The Year of the Horse

Random thoughts to ponder for a new year that already feels like a wild ride

When February 17 arrived and the lunar Chinese calendar moved into The Year of the Horse (Fire Horse to be exact!), I admit I was intrigued. I’ve never paid attention before to the various names of the years, but horses are amazing animals, so I guess I was curious about what the new year might represent. The idea of a fast-paced, changeable, intense year of transformation certainly brings a mix of apprehension and excitement. 

Nearly three weeks into the Year of the Horse, I finally have some time to catch my breath. Here are a couple of thoughts and questions I’m asking myself (and sharing with all of you) as I head into this fast-paced and high energy year. 

When you ride a horse, the pace can vary widely. A horse can be ridden at full speed in a race, or at a leisurely trot, but there is always movement. Over the course of this next year, what kind of movement do you want to look back on and see in your life? Will you race through the year or take your time? 

Horses are deeply intuitive animals. There’s a reason why horses are now used in retreats or in healing and therapy environments. You can’t fake it around a horse. Is there something in your life you’ve been pretending about, or are you denying an emotion or issue that needs to be addressed? 

If you’ve never been on a horse before, it’s best to get some training and instruction as a new rider. What is coming up this year that you need to prepare for? Are there some new skills you’ll need to move forward? 

If you’re going to saddle up, you need the right gear. No one lasts long on horseback in shorts and flip flops! How can you be planful and have the right equipment and tools as you move through this year of change and transformation? 

Don’t put the cart before the horse. So often, we have an end goal or objective in mind, but to get there, we usually have some work to do first. Completing the ride to our destination means no shortcuts. We have to take the reins and navigate through obstacles in order to achieve our goals. What work or tasks are yours to do so you can journey effectively and feel proud of your efforts?   

As the Year of the Horse unfolds, take time to be intentional, choose your pace, and be persistent. As you gain better riding skills, you’ll be able to meet the year’s intensity and fall into a rhythm that is steady and strong. Whether you make it to your goal or not, seek to feel good about the ride.  Be deliberate and prepared as you meet the unexpected in a year that will likely bring big change, high energy, and spirited growth. 

There are SO many horse themed expressions and sayings. I’d love to hear what comes to mind for you as you consider the Year of the Horse. 

As always, thanks for reading! 

Cognitive Gymnastics

The times we are living in seem to serve up a daily dose of scary news or unbelievable violence. None of us likes being faced with painful situations, brutality, or events that make us feel frightened or ill at ease. I've noticed a behavior recently that has always been a part of the human experience, but it seems to be a regular recurrence these days, particularly at a time when people are already feeling frustrated and on edge.

Here's some examples of cognitive gymnastics and rationalizations you're likely to hear:

An acquaintance died of lung cancer. The response: "Did they smoke?"

A woman is raped. The response: "Why was she out alone late at night?"

A friend gets a scary prognosis with not much time left to live. The response: "Well, life is short and we could all get hit by a bus."

A man is killed while helping a woman in a protest. The response: "Why would someone conceal and carry at a protest?"

A woman is shot through her car window by ICE agents. The response: "If she'd followed directions, she'd be alive today." or "If she'd been at home with her children, this wouldn't have happened."

All of these statements are rationalizations and a way to explain to ourselves why these terrible things will never happen to us.We don't like feeling uneasy or unsafe or somehow vulnerable, so we come up with reasons and a rationale that puts distance between us and the scary stuff.

Of course, the biggest problem with rationalization and these mental gymnastics is that they allow us to distance and create an us vs them scenario in which we can safely say these things won't happen to us and we really don't have to worry further. It all sounds good in theory, but the fact is we could all get diagnosed with a terminal illness or fall victim to senseless violence. Blaming the victim and rationalizing may help us feel better in the short term, but it does nothing to address the root cause of what is scaring us in the first place.

So, what's the solution? We're all human and we all rationalize our way through situations that unnerve us or hit a bit close to home. The goal is simply to start to recognize this very human response and dig a bit deeper. Instead of screaming at each other for blaming the victim, if we saw one another simply making statements to try to feel safe, maybe we could have a different conversation. No one enjoys feeling uncomfortable or frightened. Yet, naming the feeling and deciding to actually sit with it and feel its intensity is the best way to move beyond it. Pretending life isn't scary, messy, and hard just doesn't work over the long term.

The next time you rationalize or try to explain away some shocking or disturbing news, maybe take a moment to pause instead. Take a bit of time to simply state the emotions these situations bring up: shock, terror, vulnerability, sadness, rage. Once we've gotten honest about our own emotional state, then we can do the hard work of considering our responses and responsibilities.

We live in scary times. Things feel unpredictable and old rules seem to no longer apply. Get honest with yourself and try to do a bit of your own inner work. Identify the shock and horror. Feel it and acknowledge it. Then you'll be in a better place to be rational and less reactive. From there, take the actions that align with your values and work for a better world, one step at a time.

A Yogi Prayer for Peace

Dearest God

Help us draw closer to you when despair

and its well 

feel nearly impossible to crawl out from

Use our breath

Use our minds

Use our words

and especially guide our actions.

May we move from space that is

quiet

centered

and deeply anchored in love

Always love.

Help us as we move through chaos

Bring us back to wholeness.

May we see our inner strength

May we seek justice and truth.

Help us stay grounded, tall, and steady.

When we wobble and waver

bring stillness

pause 

and rest 

to body, mind, and spirit.

May we seek wholeness from fragmentation

Unity where division tries to grow

trusting in light and wisdom

so much larger than our imagining.

Bring us peace

We have need of you. 

Hurry.

God's people

and we are all God's people

need some strength.

Be our companion on this journey

May our paths be true.

Help us celebrate light

the bright pure essence

in each one of us

Your light that continues

to shine in darkness.

Help us see more clearly

Wipe our eyes of violence and rage

to see you

in everyone we meet. 

The Hamburger Hat

Years ago, I went to a pop-up holiday boutique to do some Christmas shopping. As I was checking out, there was a man in line behind me wearing a large hamburger hat. I’ll always take an opportunity to chat with strangers, so I said hello and “nice hat!” He thanked me and proceeded to tell me he had more than 200 hats and said he tried to wear a different, highly visible, and preferably outlandish hat everywhere he went. The hats were his effort to bring a smile and to pave the way for conversation, and he went on to say, “we would not likely be talking now, if it weren’t for my hat.” 

For most of us, we aren’t likely to wander around in hamburger hats, but what if we left the house with the goal of trying to bring a bit of humor or a smile to others we encountered? Rather than being so wrapped up in our own lives and our own petty concerns, I wonder how our days might feel if we shifted our thinking and decided to be a bit more deliberate about greeting one another, sharing some simple pleasantries, or at the very least, providing an interesting story for people to tell about ‘this guy I saw today wearing a hamburger hat.’ 

So, here’s a small challenge for you: As a holiday gift to yourself and those around you, make a small decision to bring a bit of connection and joy to your day. Smile, start a conversation with a fellow customer in a check-out line, or go big and wear a crazy hat or do something that gets people curious and interacting. Let someone get in line in front of you, or compliment someone. Then, just be open to what comes next. Some folks will be too distracted to even notice your effort; others may be gruff and shrug off your polite attempts to engage. That’s ok. Keep trying! You might surprise yourself and end up having an encounter that feels good or even amazes you. Once, after helping an older woman with some groceries, she turned to me and said, “I want to thank you by reciting a poem I wrote years ago.” I can’t remember the poem, but I can tell you that I will never forget that small interaction. It was magical! 

Whether you’re a hamburger hat person or not, I hope you get surprised and can find a bit of joy this season. As humans, we are flawed, silly, outlandish, and messy. Celebrate it all. If you’ve had an amusing or touching encounter with a stranger this season, please share it here. Let’s look for good, let’s laugh together. Let’s look for some magic, a bit of peace on earth, as we observe this holiday season.  

You Never Get to Do This Again!

This will never happen again. When I first heard this phrase, it stopped me in my tracks. I was attending a webinar on gratitude when an author friend of mine said, "I'm reminding myself that this will never happen again" as she was referring to her writing process and the gratitude she felt upon completion of her very first book.

These words stuck with me because it was an unusual way to use the phrase. Many of us have likely used a similar phrase when we've experienced something awful or challenging. A version of 'well, I'm glad that's over' has played in my head many times when something really uncomfortable finally came to an end.

But what if we used this phrase a bit differently, and use it to express gratitude and as way to really be present with whatever is occurring for us right now? One of the things I love about yoga practice is its focus on the present moment, and working to simply be curious, open, and reflective about what's going on right here, right now. Isn't that really what our lives are made of? Small moments that are fleeting and simply will not be ours again?

As is true for my friend, I am also in the process of writing my first book. What a journey and what a huge learning curve! I have stated several times that if I understood and knew how much there was to learn about writing a book, I'm not sure I ever would have begun. Maybe that's the best gift...we don't know how our lives will unfold, we cannot see or control the future, so finding ways to get better at truly living and appreciating whatever process we are in can shape our experience in powerful ways.

Of course, this isn't just about writing a book. Just imagine how you'd approach brand new activities if you used these words as a guidepost. We all can remember the excitement of a new job, or the thrill of a new romantic relationship. What if we could experience that same feeling of wonder and exhilaration more often? How would our days change if we went into new experiences with a sense of wonder and willingness to try, as opposed to getting caught up in perfectionism, worrying about feeling judged by others, or our own need for success or certain outcomes?

Whether we are knee-deep in some real hardship or conflict, or we are experiencing great joy and unexpected blessings, we always have control over our own thinking and mindset. When we try new things, we cannot know the outcome. Events in our lives may flow easily and we can look back amazed, or they can be fraught with trouble and pain. Either way, when we view it all from a lens of what it may have to teach us, we can experience our lives as a rich tapestry of moments, nuance, and detail we could never have imagined.

Whatever new challenge this day may bring, I invite you to experiment with the idea that 'you'll never get to do this again.' It's a choice each day, and in each moment, to decide how to view our lives. We can move through our days oblivious to what we are experiencing, or we can deeply immerse ourselves in the present, with curiosity about our life and our personal journey.

I invite you to try out this phrase today. Let's make it a day to see things with fresh eyes. Whatever this moment and day may hold, you never get to do this again!

Cling Free?

Are you clingy by nature? What a cringe-worthy question! None of us wants to be called clingy, as it brings to mind a needy and desperate sense that all of us would like to avoid. Stay with me here, because I think we all have aspects of our personality that are clingy in nature, and the ancient yoga philosophers thought so too!

There’s a concept in yoga tradition called Aparigraha, one of the 8 limbs of yoga developed by Patanjali sometime between 200 BC and 200 CE….a long time ago! Aparigraha translated into English means ‘non-grasping’ or ‘non-possessiveness.’ It’s a practice of avoiding taking any more than we need and letting go of excess. Aparigraha is about our human desires to hang onto things: possessions, relationships, the status quo, or the way things ought to be. 

I’d speculate that many of us have struggled with the concept of non-grasping or clinging to things we think will make our lives better. Has anybody had to clean out a junk drawer or sort through a closet because somehow, we now have too much? Our economy and culture encourage us to buy new things and consume. We buy into the idea that we will be happier with the latest tech gadget or a new pair of fabulous shoes. Loving our stuff and our belongings is a form of grasping as we seek to keep up with others and achieve a certain standard of living.

We all probably know at least one person or have been the person who has stayed in a relationship way past its expiration date. The relationship has become one-sided, or worse, neglectful or abusive. Yet, people in these relationships stay. I would guess in part, it’s because they fear being alone, or they feel unworthy and worry that no one else will have them. So they grasp and cling and hang onto people and relationships that no longer bring delight and in some cases, bring dysfunction or worse.

Control freaks (like me) also fall into this grasping and clingy narrative. When we feel we need to control every outcome, or keep things safe and predictable, in many ways we are again operating from a model that says life is scary, no one will like us if we don’t have it all together, or that we’ll be found out…as the imposters that we are!

The opposite of feeling clingy, controlling, or grasping is the feeling of enough. It’s about being comfortable in the present and accepting of whatever our current reality might be. It’s not giving up or being passive, but rather a change in viewpoint from one of lack, to one of plenty, or at least enough. When we feel satisfied and content, we let go of comparing ourselves to others and worry less about whether or not we measure up.

If you live in poverty or are struggling to make ends meet, its hard not to yearn for a better life or to want your circumstances to improve. Yet, many poor folks seem to grasp and cling less than those who are affluent. It’s all about mindset and how we choose to see our world. If we feel we have some richness in some part of our life, then we are indeed wealthy. Having good health, a supportive partner, or a place to call home can be deeply satisfying.

I’m inspired by the new trend I see toward thrifting and simply living with less. People are making the active choice to turn away from the constant pressure for more and are buying second hand items, sharing what they don’t need, and living in simpler tiny homes. Without realizing it, they are practicing Aparigraha; living within their means, being grateful for simple pleasures, and being more content with life right here and now.

I guess we all have times in life when we simply want MORE. It’s part of the human condition and what Patanjali and other yoga teachers identified centuries ago. The yoga teaching is simple: take time for awareness. Remember, everything in life changes and is fleeting. To demand that things stay the same, that people never leave, or that somehow we deserve more, will only leave us feeling more depleted and frustrated. We probably can’t root out all that is clingy and demanding about our nature, but with reflection and awareness, we can find space and reasons to be happy and satisfied with where we are, right now.

The Limits of Navel Gazing

I'm old enough to remember a silly phrase that was used back in the day when referring to meditation. As  eastern meditation practices made their way to the US in the 1960's and 70's, many were suspicious and considered these efforts a waste of time, and simply 'endless navel gazing.'  Somehow, contemplating one's own life was ridiculous and pondering one's belly button or human existence was dismissed and ridiculed.

Fast forward to today, and meditation, yoga, and mindfulness practices are trendy and everywhere. We practice yoga or meditation with the idea that we will calm and quiet the chatter in our own minds and somehow be able to live our lives from a space of tranquility and quiet strength. All of those things are worthy goals, yet any contemplative practice can end up being a bit meaningless or at least devoid of its richness if it becomes too focused on self rather than our connection to others and all living beings. If we pay lip service to being more peaceful and content, and then head out into the world and go right back to being judgy or aggressive in our speech or actions, we aren't really living out our meditation practice.

How do we use our meditation or mindfulness practices in a way that benefits us and our world? While an internal and very personal process, quieting the mind and becoming more focused and thoughtful only takes us so far. It's when we link that quiet presence with our values and beliefs that we find true and meaningful change. When we learn that we can find a stillness and calm within, we become less reactive and fearful about outside events. We get a bit more able to sidestep petty dramas and let go of having to control every detail. We explore what we really hold dear and begin to live our lives in ways that reflect what we truly value. When we move away from fear and reactivity, we can respond in ways that honor and reflect who we truly want to be in the world. When we're scared, we get panicked, grabby and worried about getting our fair share. When we can stay out of fear and in a state of presence and awareness, we can see abundance and make the difficult and challenging decisions to stay aligned with our deepest truths.

I  hope you take time today for some quiet, whether it is a yoga practice, meditation time, or contemplative prayer. Remember the goal is to help you be a better human. It doesn't mean things will always go smoothly and you'll never be sad or frightened. When the next big challenging thing confronts you, may you have the strength and resilience to rely on what you've practiced. Pause, breathe, consider all options. Then move forward with strength and the commitment to living a life that aligns with your deepest truths.