When A Teacher Dies

 An old high school friend of mine sent a note out this week about a favorite high school teacher’s death. As I started down memory lane and began reflecting on what it was that made this particular teacher so loved by so many, I was struck by what I recalled so clearly: his own love of learning, and the delight and joy he seemed to find in teaching and just being with his students.  

I would never want to go back and re-live my high school days, as I remember them as being a rollercoaster of emotions: full of tons of fun and laughter with friends, along with plenty of cringe-worthy behavior that was at times wildly out of control and full of my own self-doubt. As a high school student, I moved through awkward phases of pimples, trying to find a place to fit in with friends, getting a driver's license (after puking twice before my road test), and riding a wave of mood swings and general adolescent angst. 

Through it all, a few beloved high school teachers were a relaxed, calm, and quiet presence. My favorite teachers all seemed perfectly at home with my weirdness and attention seeking behavior. Looking back, some memories make me uncomfortable as I know I was occasionally rude, loud, and at times just generally a pain in the ass during those years. Somehow, I always knew certain teachers had high standards related to academic work, but they also seemed to care about me with a soft grace, even when I was not always at my best. 

I’m guessing that most people can recall one or two favorite teachers from their youth. Teachers who taught us both important academic lessons alongside lessons about how to be good humans. Being out of the high school classroom now for more years than I care to admit, I don’t remember much algebra or mythology or the grades I received. But I do remember how certain teachers made me feel. They were able to inspire, challenge, and accept me without judgment. Maybe they knew on some level how much self-doubt was already there inside me and recognized that even a high achieving kid needed some quiet acceptance and encouragement that would eventually help me settle down and thrive. 

I did send a note to Mr. Melchoir (the favorite teacher who passed this week) a few years back, and I know some of my classmates visited and kept in touch with him. He knew he was loved and that his work had an impact. I hope he wasn’t the exception to the rule, and that other teachers out there have heard words of thanks and praise from former students.  

Education is a tough business to be in these days. What if the takeaway at the end of another school year is this simple message: that we always have the choice to share our thanks and take a moment to appreciate what our teachers have meant to us.  

Can you imagine the wave of goodwill that would occur if we all took 5 minutes this week to send a text, a card, or called one of our former teachers simply to tell them thank you?  

Let’s make it our homework assignment this week. Say thank you to your kid’s teacher on the last day of school. Tell your neighbor who is a schoolteacher that you appreciate their efforts. Find a former teacher of yours and share a simple ‘thank you for being my teacher’ or whatever words of appreciation feel most appropriate. 

Finally, the next time you hear someone complaining about or disparaging the work of teachers, shake your head, softly disagree, and tell them about your favorite teacher: who likely saved you when you felt lost, and made a true difference in your life. 

The Year of the Horse

Random thoughts to ponder for a new year that already feels like a wild ride

When February 17 arrived and the lunar Chinese calendar moved into The Year of the Horse (Fire Horse to be exact!), I admit I was intrigued. I’ve never paid attention before to the various names of the years, but horses are amazing animals, so I guess I was curious about what the new year might represent. The idea of a fast-paced, changeable, intense year of transformation certainly brings a mix of apprehension and excitement. 

Nearly three weeks into the Year of the Horse, I finally have some time to catch my breath. Here are a couple of thoughts and questions I’m asking myself (and sharing with all of you) as I head into this fast-paced and high energy year. 

When you ride a horse, the pace can vary widely. A horse can be ridden at full speed in a race, or at a leisurely trot, but there is always movement. Over the course of this next year, what kind of movement do you want to look back on and see in your life? Will you race through the year or take your time? 

Horses are deeply intuitive animals. There’s a reason why horses are now used in retreats or in healing and therapy environments. You can’t fake it around a horse. Is there something in your life you’ve been pretending about, or are you denying an emotion or issue that needs to be addressed? 

If you’ve never been on a horse before, it’s best to get some training and instruction as a new rider. What is coming up this year that you need to prepare for? Are there some new skills you’ll need to move forward? 

If you’re going to saddle up, you need the right gear. No one lasts long on horseback in shorts and flip flops! How can you be planful and have the right equipment and tools as you move through this year of change and transformation? 

Don’t put the cart before the horse. So often, we have an end goal or objective in mind, but to get there, we usually have some work to do first. Completing the ride to our destination means no shortcuts. We have to take the reins and navigate through obstacles in order to achieve our goals. What work or tasks are yours to do so you can journey effectively and feel proud of your efforts?   

As the Year of the Horse unfolds, take time to be intentional, choose your pace, and be persistent. As you gain better riding skills, you’ll be able to meet the year’s intensity and fall into a rhythm that is steady and strong. Whether you make it to your goal or not, seek to feel good about the ride.  Be deliberate and prepared as you meet the unexpected in a year that will likely bring big change, high energy, and spirited growth. 

There are SO many horse themed expressions and sayings. I’d love to hear what comes to mind for you as you consider the Year of the Horse. 

As always, thanks for reading! 

Cognitive Gymnastics

The times we are living in seem to serve up a daily dose of scary news or unbelievable violence. None of us likes being faced with painful situations, brutality, or events that make us feel frightened or ill at ease. I've noticed a behavior recently that has always been a part of the human experience, but it seems to be a regular recurrence these days, particularly at a time when people are already feeling frustrated and on edge.

Here's some examples of cognitive gymnastics and rationalizations you're likely to hear:

An acquaintance died of lung cancer. The response: "Did they smoke?"

A woman is raped. The response: "Why was she out alone late at night?"

A friend gets a scary prognosis with not much time left to live. The response: "Well, life is short and we could all get hit by a bus."

A man is killed while helping a woman in a protest. The response: "Why would someone conceal and carry at a protest?"

A woman is shot through her car window by ICE agents. The response: "If she'd followed directions, she'd be alive today." or "If she'd been at home with her children, this wouldn't have happened."

All of these statements are rationalizations and a way to explain to ourselves why these terrible things will never happen to us.We don't like feeling uneasy or unsafe or somehow vulnerable, so we come up with reasons and a rationale that puts distance between us and the scary stuff.

Of course, the biggest problem with rationalization and these mental gymnastics is that they allow us to distance and create an us vs them scenario in which we can safely say these things won't happen to us and we really don't have to worry further. It all sounds good in theory, but the fact is we could all get diagnosed with a terminal illness or fall victim to senseless violence. Blaming the victim and rationalizing may help us feel better in the short term, but it does nothing to address the root cause of what is scaring us in the first place.

So, what's the solution? We're all human and we all rationalize our way through situations that unnerve us or hit a bit close to home. The goal is simply to start to recognize this very human response and dig a bit deeper. Instead of screaming at each other for blaming the victim, if we saw one another simply making statements to try to feel safe, maybe we could have a different conversation. No one enjoys feeling uncomfortable or frightened. Yet, naming the feeling and deciding to actually sit with it and feel its intensity is the best way to move beyond it. Pretending life isn't scary, messy, and hard just doesn't work over the long term.

The next time you rationalize or try to explain away some shocking or disturbing news, maybe take a moment to pause instead. Take a bit of time to simply state the emotions these situations bring up: shock, terror, vulnerability, sadness, rage. Once we've gotten honest about our own emotional state, then we can do the hard work of considering our responses and responsibilities.

We live in scary times. Things feel unpredictable and old rules seem to no longer apply. Get honest with yourself and try to do a bit of your own inner work. Identify the shock and horror. Feel it and acknowledge it. Then you'll be in a better place to be rational and less reactive. From there, take the actions that align with your values and work for a better world, one step at a time.

A Yogi Prayer for Peace

Dearest God

Help us draw closer to you when despair

and its well 

feel nearly impossible to crawl out from

Use our breath

Use our minds

Use our words

and especially guide our actions.

May we move from space that is

quiet

centered

and deeply anchored in love

Always love.

Help us as we move through chaos

Bring us back to wholeness.

May we see our inner strength

May we seek justice and truth.

Help us stay grounded, tall, and steady.

When we wobble and waver

bring stillness

pause 

and rest 

to body, mind, and spirit.

May we seek wholeness from fragmentation

Unity where division tries to grow

trusting in light and wisdom

so much larger than our imagining.

Bring us peace

We have need of you. 

Hurry.

God's people

and we are all God's people

need some strength.

Be our companion on this journey

May our paths be true.

Help us celebrate light

the bright pure essence

in each one of us

Your light that continues

to shine in darkness.

Help us see more clearly

Wipe our eyes of violence and rage

to see you

in everyone we meet. 

The Hamburger Hat

Years ago, I went to a pop-up holiday boutique to do some Christmas shopping. As I was checking out, there was a man in line behind me wearing a large hamburger hat. I’ll always take an opportunity to chat with strangers, so I said hello and “nice hat!” He thanked me and proceeded to tell me he had more than 200 hats and said he tried to wear a different, highly visible, and preferably outlandish hat everywhere he went. The hats were his effort to bring a smile and to pave the way for conversation, and he went on to say, “we would not likely be talking now, if it weren’t for my hat.” 

For most of us, we aren’t likely to wander around in hamburger hats, but what if we left the house with the goal of trying to bring a bit of humor or a smile to others we encountered? Rather than being so wrapped up in our own lives and our own petty concerns, I wonder how our days might feel if we shifted our thinking and decided to be a bit more deliberate about greeting one another, sharing some simple pleasantries, or at the very least, providing an interesting story for people to tell about ‘this guy I saw today wearing a hamburger hat.’ 

So, here’s a small challenge for you: As a holiday gift to yourself and those around you, make a small decision to bring a bit of connection and joy to your day. Smile, start a conversation with a fellow customer in a check-out line, or go big and wear a crazy hat or do something that gets people curious and interacting. Let someone get in line in front of you, or compliment someone. Then, just be open to what comes next. Some folks will be too distracted to even notice your effort; others may be gruff and shrug off your polite attempts to engage. That’s ok. Keep trying! You might surprise yourself and end up having an encounter that feels good or even amazes you. Once, after helping an older woman with some groceries, she turned to me and said, “I want to thank you by reciting a poem I wrote years ago.” I can’t remember the poem, but I can tell you that I will never forget that small interaction. It was magical! 

Whether you’re a hamburger hat person or not, I hope you get surprised and can find a bit of joy this season. As humans, we are flawed, silly, outlandish, and messy. Celebrate it all. If you’ve had an amusing or touching encounter with a stranger this season, please share it here. Let’s look for good, let’s laugh together. Let’s look for some magic, a bit of peace on earth, as we observe this holiday season.