Here's some examples of cognitive gymnastics and rationalizations you're likely to hear:
An acquaintance died of lung cancer. The response: "Did they smoke?"
A woman is raped. The response: "Why was she out alone late at night?"
A friend gets a scary prognosis with not much time left to live. The response: "Well, life is short and we could all get hit by a bus."
A man is killed while helping a woman in a protest. The response: "Why would someone conceal and carry at a protest?"
A woman is shot through her car window by ICE agents. The response: "If she'd followed directions, she'd be alive today." or "If she'd been at home with her children, this wouldn't have happened."
All of these statements are rationalizations and a way to explain to ourselves why these terrible things will never happen to us.We don't like feeling uneasy or unsafe or somehow vulnerable, so we come up with reasons and a rationale that puts distance between us and the scary stuff.
Of course, the biggest problem with rationalization and these mental gymnastics is that they allow us to distance and create an us vs them scenario in which we can safely say these things won't happen to us and we really don't have to worry further. It all sounds good in theory, but the fact is we could all get diagnosed with a terminal illness or fall victim to senseless violence. Blaming the victim and rationalizing may help us feel better in the short term, but it does nothing to address the root cause of what is scaring us in the first place.
So, what's the solution? We're all human and we all rationalize our way through situations that unnerve us or hit a bit close to home. The goal is simply to start to recognize this very human response and dig a bit deeper. Instead of screaming at each other for blaming the victim, if we saw one another simply making statements to try to feel safe, maybe we could have a different conversation. No one enjoys feeling uncomfortable or frightened. Yet, naming the feeling and deciding to actually sit with it and feel its intensity is the best way to move beyond it. Pretending life isn't scary, messy, and hard just doesn't work over the long term.
The next time you rationalize or try to explain away some shocking or disturbing news, maybe take a moment to pause instead. Take a bit of time to simply state the emotions these situations bring up: shock, terror, vulnerability, sadness, rage. Once we've gotten honest about our own emotional state, then we can do the hard work of considering our responses and responsibilities.
We live in scary times. Things feel unpredictable and old rules seem to no longer apply. Get honest with yourself and try to do a bit of your own inner work. Identify the shock and horror. Feel it and acknowledge it. Then you'll be in a better place to be rational and less reactive. From there, take the actions that align with your values and work for a better world, one step at a time.
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